even my farts smell like vagina
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
