Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
