I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
