I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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