Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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