He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
