Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
