he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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