Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
