Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize