I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this will be a night to untag.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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