I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize