As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
