Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
