I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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