I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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