3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
