i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
