just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
