Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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