threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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