That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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