I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
