there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
