I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
