Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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