I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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