i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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