I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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