Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
