So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have fence marks all over my body
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
