how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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