I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
