there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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