i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
