I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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