Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
