he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
