i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
