You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
