it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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