oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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