it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
