I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
