I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
