you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
