so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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