you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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