Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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