He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
