You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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