My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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