i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
