You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
