Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
