the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
