I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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