I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
