Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
