I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
