from now on my penis is your penis
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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